Sightless Snogging: Reflections on National Kissing Day

Without the terrific technological tool that is Twitter, I might have gone through the entirety of my life blissfully unaware of such holidays as International Coffee Day, National Gay square-dancing Day, and National Kissing Day, which is apparently celebrated today.

In my experience, I have very little reason to actually celebrate saliva swapping. If there were a tonsil hockey team, I’d be on the bench, seriously.
Exhibit A: my first kiss- the sightless snog. He was blind. His mouth-eye coordination was slightly off-center. I was 16, and my first-kiss fantasy looked a bit like this film scene. I thought: what difference did it make if we were both blind? Real people, you know, on T.V, closed their eyes anyway, so technically we held a considerable advantage over the sighted snoggers of the world…except, well, not so much.

I knew precisely what was happening the moment I felt his breath on my cheek, and all I could think of was that joke: “What do you call a tennis match between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder?…Endless love.”

The internal dialogue went something like this: ‘Oh god, that’s my neck. This is getting a bit too Bram Stoker. He’s missing. Should I, maybe, direct him a bit? Yes, I should guide him through it, verbally. Maybe this will be easier with a talking target.’

In the end, he gave the whole thing up as a bad job and just sort of bumped his cheek against mine in something akin to Eskimos…or those cartoon gnomes on Nickelodeon. I think Mark Darcy would agree here that nice boys definitely do not kiss like that.

Question: do you remember your first kiss?

6 thoughts on “Sightless Snogging: Reflections on National Kissing Day”

    1. I don’t recall anyone asking–not the first time. I had a boyfriend who used to ask if he could occasionally, which I thought a bit weird, because of course I wouldn’t mind if he did.

  1. My first kiss was homecoming 1999 with a girl named Stephanie. She had been advised to tighten her lips, which she did, and while it was the worst kiss ever, it was a kiss.

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